Why I Think We Should Be Judging

should judge

I strapped my bullet proof vest on before I sat down to write this article because, Lord knows I’m going to be facing the firing squad for this one.

Go ahead and judge me for this, I think you should.

The other day my friend asked me how I can think of so many things to write about, and really, I have a hard time finding enough time to write about all of the things I think about.  Mostly, I just wait for that prompting.  I wait for that cue that feels like “Oh I wanna say this…but I probably shouldn’t because someone will take it the wrong way…well then I guess I better.”

Not because I love confrontation.  In fact, it makes me a little nauseous when people come at me, trying to push me back, push me down, or push me to conform to what they deem acceptable.  The recovering people pleaser in me wants everyone to like me.

If everyone likes me then I don’t have to feel rejected, ya know?

No, the reason I write about things that feel a little like I’m asking for trouble is because… not many people will.

I’ve been in the business of self promoting for a while now, and if there’s one rule about this sort of entrepreneurship, it’s this: don’t judge.  Don’t make people feel judged.  Don’t come across like your judging.

Heck, I even started a whole group for moms to avoid judgement.  This concept is not lost on me.

But then I looked up the word judgement, and here’s what I found: the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.

You guys, I kind of like the word now.  

I know we’ve given it a real bad connotation, myself included, but I’m kind of thinking…it sort of sounds intelligent, right?  Like, shouldn’t we all, by this definition, be casting judgement?  Considered decisions and sensible conclusions doesn’t actually sound like the “we’re making good people feel bad about their choices” that we’ve been taught that it is.

Now, unless you’ve actually made this definition switch in your heart, you should probably refrain from being what I like to lovingly refer to as Judgey McJudger person.  But if we are approaching a lot of controversial topics from this point of understanding…

Well then, I think we should judge.  I think we should constantly and consistently be making judgements.  

Not in the “I’m right so you must be wrong” sort of way that some people just love to do.  But in the “I’m right based upon my own conclusions and you could be right based upon yours” way.

As in, it’s actually okay to have a different point of view, a different perspective, and a different idea about what’s right and wrong… and to live by it.  Ever heard the saying “just because she’s pretty doesn’t mean you’re ugly”?  It was one of my faves when insecurity issues were plaguing my every thought.  But let’s just go ahead and switch it up, shall we?

judgement

I mean, we judge whether or not a neglectful parent should be allowed to keep custody of their children.

We judge whether or not someone would make a good president.

We judge a person’s character based on their propensity to kill someone over a stick of gum with no remorse.

I think judging is an integral part of our natural survival instinct.

But then we started making judgements that had others feeling convicted.

And judgement became taboo- don’t do it or don’t talk about it if you do.

Suddenly we were judging people who judged people.

If you think I’m doing it wrong that makes you a jerk.

If you think I’m not right that makes you ignorant.

If you think this person deserves to be elected that makes you racist.

So we’ve found our selves in a place of being condemned for making judgements, and being judged for not feeling condemned. 

Oh America, The Beautiful.

Don’t you see the chains we’re living in?  We keep going around and around in circles, tying ourselves up, backs against the wall, blind folds on, mouths gagged with  (hopefully clean) socks.  And we’re just wildly pointing fingers hoping that if we can just point out all of the wrong it will somehow validate the right we yearn to be.

You can do no wrong, and still do no right. 

If you read my post about swearing, I’d first like to thank you for coming back.  Check it out here if you missed the whole shebang because it was a hot topic, my friend.  And the worst of it involved people judging me for judging.  For not doing it the way they would have done it.  Except, they wouldn’t have done it because they didn’t agree with it.

So here’s the problem we face… we cannot judge that which we do not know.  Correct?  By the definition itself, to judge is to come to a considered decision or sensible conclusion.  I stated my opinion, and that it was my own opinion, concerning how I felt about swear words and the people who chose them over more intelligent verbiage.

I used to be someone who swore a lot.  And now I’m not.  And now I can make an informed decision: I think swearing can make you sound less intelligent than you are.   That’s what I think.  Honestly.

But then I had people telling me no, you are not allowed to think that.  You should not say that lest someone who swears sees it and thinks that they should not swear.  You should not make that judgement.  You should not be allowed to decide if you think someone sounds less intelligent or not.

{{insert screeching sound of an old record coming to an abrupt stop}}

What the what?  I should not be allowed to make that assessment?  I should not be allowed to come to a sensible conclusion based on my own unique life experiences and beliefs?  I should not be allowed to have an opinion about something that other people might have opinions about?

#smh  (and for the record, that is the first time I’ve ever shaken my head via hashtag, so obvi this is quite serious).

The point I’m trying to make is this: we should judge.

We should judge what is right and wrong in accordance to our beliefs and the way we feel we should live to be the best we want to be based upon what we’re striving to achieve.  

What we’re not remembering, when we see and feel judgement, is that the retorting?  The defending?  The rebuttals?  That’s just another person’s judgement.  That’s just that person’s considered decision and sensible conclusion about the article that they just read and what kind of person the writer must be to have thought it, much less made it public to the world.

I was told “if you’re going to judge then don’t say you’re not judging and then have an article entirely made up of judgement.”

That person judged me.

And that’s okay.

Because I think we really do need to get back to judging.  Walking on eggshells trying not to make anyone feel like they’re not absolutely flipping perfect in every regard and totally incapable of making a bad judgement call with their life, habits, and actions is about as appealing as literally walking on eggshells…just.ew.

Here’s a spoiler alert, doll face, we are all judging all of the time.  And just because we slap a #nojudgement and a cute kissy face on it doesn’t mean that we haven’t weighed it against our own opinions, experiences, and beliefs, and decided if it was right for us or not.

I think we should judge because I think we should all be thinking for our selves and not just trying to make as few waves in the pool of life as possible.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go think of a new tagline for the Messy Mom Squad before someone catches on to the fact that I have “no judgement zone” written in the group and then single handedly destroyed that concept with this post.  Oopsies.

And I don’t always but… I think this deserves a #micdrop.  Judge me if you must.

How do you feel about the word? 

Comments

  1. Auriel says

    I like this for a lot of reasons. Recently I have been dealing with a lot of backlash because I will speak from my true self. I experienced that horrible, anxiety induced feeling of walking in eggshells and it really is the ugliest feeling. It makes me fall to pieces knowing that I’ve said what I really feel and everyone’s reaction is that suddenly now I have a responsibility to apologize for soemthing I said from truth . I can’t spend my life coddling every individuals ego…I’ve done it before and I turned myself inside out. I hollowed myself out to become what I felt that I needed to be so I didn’t get tossed away.
    I love what you said here and I agree we need to become more discerning , more judgemental so that we can bring into our lives the things that embrace our authenticity. The more we choose based on our values the more of loves will reflect who we really are .

    • says

      Your response was so insightful Auriel, so entirely full of grace. Thank you for leaving it. I couldn’t agree more with your last statement: the more we choose based on our values, the more our lives will reflect who are really are. I think that’s the key here! Instead of trying to be best friends with everyone, be respectful that everyone gets to choose how they want to live their lives and you don’t HAVE to be best friends with everyone. Brilliant! Thanks for sharing:)